My WOW experience

by Tolonda Henderson

If there is one word that I would use to describe my experiences at WOW, it would be "exhausting." During Thursday evening's plenary, I fought to be heard during an icebreaker which recognized various people (like those who had read at least one Harry Potter book), but not the people of color in the room.  Shouting with a voice which is not heard is exhausting.  Shortly thereafter, when people of color were finally asked to stand, I was enraged to hear someone shout, "Which color?" In a crowd of over 1000, where fewer than twenty people of color stood, the importance of the distinction between those who have access to white skin privilege and those who encounter oppression and prejudice based solely on appearance was denied.

Rage is exhausting, as is having your existence called into question.  That evening, I knew that to keep my rage from consuming me, I must not keep it to myself.  I began a long battle to share my experiences with those assembled so that the incident would not go unrecognized.  I was told I could not speak because "the issue was being addressed" during a diversity panel the next afternoon.  Having a significant aspect of your life squeezed into one two-hour panel is very exhausting.

After speaking with many different people, I was given the opportunity to address the attendees.  Speaking to a large crowd about deep personal pain is axhausting. When I came down from the stage, I was met by several people who wanted to thank me for speaking.  One man identified himself as the one who had said the words which hurt me, but his main concern was that I know I had misunderstood him.  Having your hurt reduce to a misunderstanding and being expected to have "I didn't mean it" make everything better is exhausting.

That afternoon, I led an affinity group to discuss what had happened. During that meeting and after others which followed, several of my brothers and sisters of color helped me to understand that I was focusing too much on myself and not allowing the spirit to move freely.  This was humbling.  Realizing that I may have caused others pain in the process of bringing my own to light was one of the most draining experiences of my life.

I cannot, however, leave my experiences at WOW entirely in the category of exhaustion. Hope also ran rampant in Dekalb, Illinois that weekend.  My need to share my experiences with others was not thwarted at every turn; I was eventually able to catch the ear of people who understood why I needed to speak.  There were many who felt what I had felt. And in addition to constructive criticism of my leadership style, I also encountered love, support, and an undeniable grassroots energy to change and to grow.

Those of us concentrating on these concerns were offered the sermon time in the next morning's worship - an enormous gift.  But we had planned a litany in which people named what they had seen and pledged to themselves and all gathered that the next time they saw injustice, they would act.  This became the "Call to Commitment" during that worship service; the pain and struggle, healing and growth came together to impact the lives of all who were present.

I will be very discerning the next time I receive an invitation to something like WOW.  I will want to know who is being invited and, more importantly, who has not been thought of as the invitation list is being drawn up.  But I also know this: no assembly of the Welcoming Movement will ever be the same.  It means a great deal to me that, in the end, I was seen; I was heard. I was supported and I was challenged.  My experience and the experiences of many others have moved us all that much closer to knowing what God had in mind when the world was created.